Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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