Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
