we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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