haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
