I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I need moral support for this bender
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
