we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
