Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
