The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
