Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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