She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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