She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
