She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
