we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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