you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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