Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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