Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
