My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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