What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
