i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
