I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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