i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
