The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
