you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
