Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
