If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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