I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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