If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
