So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
