Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
