i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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