i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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