We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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