and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
