She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
