Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You left your phone here
Wait...
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