i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
false alarm. still invincible.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
