Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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