He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
