fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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