Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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