That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
