So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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