no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's paint friendship bongs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
