Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
