I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
