guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
