dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
