Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
