did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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