i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
