I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
