I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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