i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
