You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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