Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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