its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
