Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
