No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
As shirtless as possible
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize