I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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