Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
