I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
